Yesterday was a Number Four day for me.
I didn’t check in the morning. I didn’t prepare for it.
But by the end of the day, I felt the weight of it — the heaviness, the confrontation with truth, the structural honesty that Four always brings.
And the lesson arrived at dinner.
When You Feel the Room Shift
I was having dinner with one of my Christian friendship circles.
Being a Life Path Five, I have many circles — Indian friends, work friends, social friends, party friends, Christian friends. I love diversity. I thrive in it.
But with this particular group, there’s one topic I don’t freely speak about:
Numerology.
They asked how my work was going.
I began explaining my immersive numerology practice — how clients meet their numbers, how it’s experiential, how it’s transformational.
And as I spoke, something tightened in my chest.
I looked up.
They had that polite expression.
We’re listening… but we don’t really want to be listening.
And in that moment, I realised something deeper than discomfort.
I realised I was trying to make myself acceptable.
The Pattern I Didn’t See
Instead of standing firmly in who I am, I began softening my language.
“It’s not mystical.”
“It’s not talking to spirits.”
“It’s not weird.”
I was editing myself in real time.
Whitewashing something that is intrinsic to me.
You cannot separate Ashley from numerology.
You cannot separate numerology from Ashley.
Yet I have done this most of my life.
In my first marriage.
With my ex-partner.
With my father.
With anyone who couldn’t fully accept this part of me.
I have twisted myself inside out for approval.
And that is a very Number Six shadow pattern — the need to be the good daughter, the good partner, the good friend.
The one who keeps the peace.
The one who makes others comfortable.
Even if it costs her authenticity.
The Cost of Shrinking Yourself
Here was the deeper realisation:
When I enter a space already knowing I must restrain a crucial part of myself, I am not being met.
I am performing.
And performance drains the soul.
I have other friends — including Christian friends — who fully accept me as a numerologist. There is joy when I speak to them. There is ease. There is expansion.
But in this space, I subconsciously prepared to shrink.
And shrinking makes you feel small.
It lowers your self-value, even if subtly.
It creates imbalance — because 90% of my friends will share their problems, fears, and insecurities with me. I hold space for them. I offer wisdom. I give.
But very few see my fears.
Very few see my struggles.
That is not intimacy.
That is management.
What Part of You Is Real?
The most powerful question that came through was this:
What part of you is real when you are with them?
Because if you are in someone’s life, there is something genuine there.
With these friends, what is real is my care, my wisdom, my love for them. That part is authentic.
But my spiritual work?
My lived experience?
My internal struggles?
That remains hidden.
So the real question became:
Am I living on their terms… or mine?
And the answer was confronting.
I was trying to be accepted on their terms.
And that is not a fulfilling way to live.
Do You Have to Cut People Off?
No.
This isn’t about dramatic exits.
This is about conscious positioning.
Loving people does not require you to give them access to your whole interior world.
Some friendships are outer-circle.
Some are inner-circle.
Some are situational.
Not everyone is meant to hold your core.
And maturity is understanding the difference.
The Decision Moving Forward
Here is what I know now:
The minute I feel I am not being myself — I need to reassess the space.
If someone can only meet me at 30% of who I am, then that is the level of access they receive.
Not out of punishment.
Not out of ego.
But out of self-respect.
Authenticity is not aggressive.
It is calm alignment.
And on my Number Four day — the day of structure, truth, and foundations — I saw clearly where my foundation had been compromised.
I diminish myself to make others comfortable. That stops now.
For You Reading This
Where are you editing yourself to be digestible?
Where are you softening your truth so others don’t feel challenged?
Where are you living on someone else’s terms — quietly hoping for approval?
Awareness is the first structural shift.
And sometimes it arrives on an ordinary dinner night — when the room goes quiet and your soul says:
This is not aligned.
That moment is not rejection.
It is initiation.
—
Ashley Young
Ashley Young and Numbers
Architect of Inner Alignment ✨